Dog Cookies: Treats for Man And Beast

I have a confession to make.

I used to eat dog cookies. Milk-Bones, to be exact.

And, with the exception of possible remorse for stealing bits of crunchy pleasure away from my dogs, I am totally unashamed.

Why no shame?

Because they were delicious, that’s why.

And they were handy. The Milk-Bone dog biscuits were the only read-to-eat snack food within my reach when I was too small to reach the higher shelves. They were right there under the sink with the dishwasher detergent, ant poison, and the Drano. Given my choices, I think I made the right decision, snackwise. Don’t you?

Please don’t answer that last question.

I don’t think I ever ate them in front of my mother, since I’m sure she would have disapproved. My father, on the other hand, would have probably been pleased by my eating sugar-free cookies that promised cleaner teeth and fresher breath. He’s a dentist. And he loves dogs.

It would have been win-win with him.

I pretty much abandoned eating my pets’ snack food when I was old enough and tall enough to reach the potato chips and Space Food Sticks. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve eaten a dog cookie. Think Carter administration.

I recently asked all of my Twitter pals if I was the only one out there who ate dog cookies. I quickly found that I wasn’t. One friend even went as far as to say she loved eating tuna-flavored cat food as a child.

Atta girl.

I have no idea why I have a sudden craving for dog biscuits again. Maybe I just miss having dogs around. Maybe my teeth need whitening. Maybe I’m not getting enough fibre. I don’t really care. I just need to exorcise this pet food demon.

Besides, it counts as baking, so that’s good.

Peanut Butter Boners

This recipe is an adaptation of one I found labeled “Peanut Butter Puppy Poppers.” The original recipe is sound, but finding freshly ground puppies in San Francisco on short notice is a real pain in the ass.*

I added a wee bit of sweetness so that these treats can be enjoyed by man as well as man’s best friend.

Just imagine the shared bond of eating the same food at the same time. And with cleaner teeth and fresher breath, when your dog licks you in the face to say “Thank you,” you can lick him right back to say “You’re welcome,” with the confidence that only sparkly teeth and peanut buttery breath can give…

Oh, and a WARNING: The following recipe is for ADULT DOGS. It has been said that giving honey to puppies (and human babies, for that matter) could make them sick. If you plan on making these treats for puppies, just omit the honey. It’ll work just fine. And so then will your puppy.

Makes about 36 cookies

Ingredients:

2 cups whole wheat flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

1 cup peanut butter (chunk-style or smooth)

1 cup milk

2 tablespoons honey

Preparation:

1. Preheat oven to 375°F.

2. Combine flour and baking powder in a small bowl

3. In the bowl of a stand mixer, put peanut butter, milk, and honey. Mix at a very low speed with the paddle attachment. Very low. Otherwise you will have a big, splattering mess on your hands.

4. When the peanut butter mixture is well mixed, gradually add the dry ingredients and paddle until a dough forms and behaves nicely by cleaning up after itself by wiping the sides of the bowl clean with its own mass.

5. Place dough onto a lightly floured work surface and roll to ¼-inch thickness.

6. Cut out cookies with a small dog bone-shaped cutter (thanks for the loan, Mark Reilly) and place on a greased (or silpat-covered) cookie sheet and bake for about 25 minutes (or until lightly browned.

7. Remove from oven, cool on rack, make your dog or your boyfriend beg for a treat, serve.

These cookies will keep for several days in an airtight container.

* I hate having to tell people I am joking, but I would rather not be sued.


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24 Responses to Dog Cookies: Treats for Man And Beast

  1. jodi says:

    I wish I could make a comment but I’m laughing too hard. 🙂

  2. Janice says:

    This is too funny! My sister and I would always sneak and eat them. Maybe this explains my penchant for dry, crunchy snacks.

    In fact today, I was searching epicurious to find some homemade granola bar recipes, and one of the first items to come up was a homemade dog biscuit recipe.
    http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Dog-Biscuits-233290

    I think if I make them without the “dog bone” cookie cutter, they’d probably go over with the whole family!

    • michaelprocopio says:

      I’m glad to know this childhood snack phenomenon translates across international borders!

      Thanks for stopping by, Janice.

  3. bockychoy says:

    You keeeeeeeerack me up! I love this post. 🙂

    • michaelprocopio says:

      Thanks. I’m glad my childhood amuses you. I credit Milk-Bone with my current tooth and bone health.

  4. ron says:

    too funny. i can’t believe some of the things you choose to share about yourself! but i’m glad you do. it makes me smile and laugh every time. especially, the name of this one; “peanut butter boners”. only you. michael procopio. only you.

  5. Tom says:

    Actually these are even better if you dip one half in melted chocolate. Don’t ask me how I know that.

  6. Jay Floyd says:

    “Maybe my teeth just needed whitening.”

    Okay, stawp it.

  7. karen says:

    Radar LOVES the peanut butter boners…

  8. michaelprocopio says:

    Yay for boners! That makes me very, very happy.

  9. terri p. says:

    sadly, i don’t think my childhood love of fish food and mouse food did anything for the health of my teeth. or any other body part or system, really. might explain a few of my mental issues. i blame my mother for never letting us have a dog.

    but now i have both a dog and a child, so as long as i can get away with making these without archer running around yelling, “i’ve got a peanut butter boner!”, oh yes, they shall be made.

  10. michaelprocopio says:

    I killed my goldfish when I was four because I thought it might like to share some breakfast cereal with me. I sprinkled some Lucky Charms over the water, which would have been fine (most likely). But I couldn’t stand to see the poor old dear have cereal without milk, so I poured some into the bowl, too.

    I think the coup de grace was when I thought the water looked dirty, so I decided to clean things up with Johnson & Johnson baby shampoo.

    No more tears. No more fish.

    Personally, I think it might be charming to hear that your son is proudly yelling such things.

  11. julie says:

    Oh WOW. I am now sorry I never sampled those Liv-a-Snaps that we bribed my doggie Shana with. I always wanted to try one, but was either too timid or more likely thought my dog would attack me for eating her snacks.

    • michaelprocopio says:

      Hmmm. Liv-a-Snaps. Those were never allowed in the house. Mom hated liver. She never wanted to make her children eat it. I never thought about it, but I suppose she extended that same courtesy to her pets, too.

  12. Roy says:

    my dog ended up having food allergies…it was an odd, odd time for awhile realizing I was cooking rabbit and venison to make dog treats. Rabbit, ricotta, sweet potato, brown rice flour, and parmesan make a really great dog snack.

  13. michaelprocopio says:

    Roy– Please, please, please tell me your dog did not have an allergic reaction to these cookies. You mean s/he just always had allergies? Hmm.

    I have to say that the rabbit dish sounds as if it might make a good people dish, too.

    • Roy says:

      Sorry for any confusion, your cookies are perfectly harmless. Or so rumor has it. My dog has had allergies for quite some time now, far prior to your boners.

      • michaelprocopio says:

        Roy, I am so relieved. I’d hate to think that my boners would give anyone an allergic reaction.

  14. Bob from down the road says:

    I just ate my dog’s carob chip cookie it smelt ok. I looked at the ingredients they were ok they also tasted great!

  15. michaelprocopio says:

    Hi Bob,

    Do you think you’ll now be buying double the amount of carob dog cookies in the future?

    It’s a relief to know that I’m not alone on this.

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