I used to eat dog cookies. Milk-Bones, to be exact.
And, with the exception of possible remorse for stealing bits of crunchy pleasure away from my dogs, I am totally unashamed.
Why no shame?
Because they were delicious, that’s why.
And they were handy. The Milk-Bone dog biscuits were the only read-to-eat snack food within my reach when I was too small to reach the higher shelves. They were right there under the sink with the dishwasher detergent, ant poison, and the Drano. Given my choices, I think I made the right decision, snackwise. Don’t you?
Please don’t answer that last question.
I don’t think I ever ate them in front of my mother, since I’m sure she would have disapproved. My father, on the other hand, would have probably been pleased by my eating sugar-free cookies that promised cleaner teeth and fresher breath. He’s a dentist. And he loves dogs.
It would have been win-win with him.
I pretty much abandoned eating my pets’ snack food when I was old enough and tall enough to reach the potato chips and Space Food Sticks. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve eaten a dog cookie. Think Carter administration.
I recently asked all of my Twitter pals if I was the only one out there who ate dog cookies. I quickly found that I wasn’t. One friend even went as far as to say she loved eating tuna-flavored cat food as a child.
I have no idea why I have a sudden craving for dog biscuits again. Maybe I just miss having dogs around. Maybe my teeth need whitening. Maybe I’m not getting enough fibre. I don’t really care. I just need to exorcise this pet food demon.
Besides, it counts as baking, so that’s good.
Peanut Butter Boners
This recipe is an adaptation of one I found labeled “Peanut Butter Puppy Poppers.” The original recipe is sound, but finding freshly ground puppies in San Francisco on short notice is a real pain in the ass.*
I added a wee bit of sweetness so that these treats can be enjoyed by man as well as man’s best friend.
Just imagine the shared bond of eating the same food at the same time. And with cleaner teeth and fresher breath, when your dog licks you in the face to say “Thank you,” you can lick him right back to say “You’re welcome,” with the confidence that only sparkly teeth and peanut buttery breath can give…
Oh, and a WARNING: The following recipe is for ADULT DOGS. It has been said that giving honey to puppies (and human babies, for that matter) could make them sick. If you plan on making these treats for puppies, just omit the honey. It’ll work just fine. And so then will your puppy.
Makes about 36 cookies
2 cups whole wheat flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 cup peanut butter (chunk-style or smooth)
1 cup milk
2 tablespoons honey
1. Preheat oven to 375°F.
2. Combine flour and baking powder in a small bowl
3. In the bowl of a stand mixer, put peanut butter, milk, and honey. Mix at a very low speed with the paddle attachment. Very low. Otherwise you will have a big, splattering mess on your hands.
4. When the peanut butter mixture is well mixed, gradually add the dry ingredients and paddle until a dough forms and behaves nicely by cleaning up after itself by wiping the sides of the bowl clean with its own mass.
5. Place dough onto a lightly floured work surface and roll to ¼-inch thickness.
6. Cut out cookies with a small dog bone-shaped cutter (thanks for the loan, Mark Reilly) and place on a greased (or silpat-covered) cookie sheet and bake for about 25 minutes (or until lightly browned.
7. Remove from oven, cool on rack, make your dog or your boyfriend beg for a treat, serve.
These cookies will keep for several days in an airtight container.
* I hate having to tell people I am joking, but I would rather not be sued.